There are some days I think to myself, “why in the world did we start this blog?” I am an introvert, I am sensitive, I am not a writer, I don’t have time, and I don’t need another thing on my plate. It can often be uncomfortable knowing people are reading my innermost thoughts, traveling with me on my personal journey of grief, my journey towards healing and joy. So why did we start this blog?
It is not because I feel I am perfect and have it all figured out. I never want people to compare themselves to me or to our family and feel discontentment or jealousy. Please hear me now… I am not enough. Our little family is not perfect.
I capture pictures of clean houses and happy smiles because that is what I like to see. I would prefer to be inspired when I take my precious time to read another’s blog. I have enough of my own messy spaces and grumpy faces; I don’t need to see another’s. I may not share those plentiful moments, but they do exist for me. I would rather encourage and inspire you than depress you. If I were to invite you into my home, I would clean my house for you. Not so much to impress, but because I want to show you consideration and respect. It can be difficult for one to feel comfortable and cared for in one’s home when they are unable to sit on a couch covered in laundry and books. This blog, in essence is my “home”, and I want you to know that I appreciate you spending your precious time with me. So my intention is to show you the fine line of my “real”, without focusing on the “messy”.
We did not start this blog because we think our way is the only way. We are each different and unique and while God might impress one thing upon my heart, He may impress something quite different upon yours. We all make up the body of Christ. We were not meant to be the same, to do the same.
I don’t write because I think I am perfect; I write because He is.
“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2
So why did we start this blog? Why do I write?
I write for my kids. It’s a way for me to document and journal our family’s doings. It’s our footprint, our walk through our everyday life. I want for them to be able to one day read the thoughts of their mom and dad.
I write because of my brother. Because of what he did. Because of the devastation it caused. Because I have found that in writing, there is healing.
I am “writ(ing) clear and hard about what hurts” (Earnest Hemingway).
I write because I am “displac(ing) the pain; put(ting) it in a camera, a poem, a story, a
song (blog)” (Author unknown).
I write in honor of my brother. It’s my way of keeping his memory alive. I’m not sure I ever would have thought to start a blog if it wasn’t for him, for the loss of him. I do not want his death to be in vain. Since his death, I have felt led to not only write, but to start this blog and share it.
Having a blog forces me to write, in a good way. It gives my writing a purpose.
I share what I write to hold myself accountable and motivate myself to follow through.
I share what I write to encourage, to bring courage to those who have their heart breaking.
I share what I write to inspire hope in those that are hurting. I want other’s to know that it is acceptable to live a life of joy in the midst of pain; a joy found only in Christ. I know for our family, my brother would have wanted that.
If God can somehow turn my written garbled words into a thing of beauty for one person, then it is all worth it; the time and effort, the sharing of my private thoughts…
That is why I write… That is why I share it on the blog; in the midst of my pain, I have found joy in my God. And I pray it inspires you to do the same…